Re: Another Atari 2600 review

(cont'd)

And get this – When you walk into him, he doesn't push you back. Instead, you die. You die. No death animation, no visual of the policeman lifting up his club or hitting you – Just another four-note melody you hear (which is even worse than the jumping “sound�), and then you're suddenly back at the left side of the screen again. To get past this policeman, you don't climb up a pole or go up a ladder or pick up an item that allows you to get by. No, you jump over the guy. I'm not making this up. You actually jump over him. And he's standing still, completely oblivious and unresponsive the whole time you're doing this.

So, you've done that, made it to the right side of the screen again, and guess what? Now there's three policeman instead of one! So you jump over them too, and unless you actually touch them in the process, they don't seem to have the slightest idea that you're there. Something tells me these guys have been working too much Overtime.

Next screen, there's two policemen this time, only now they're moving around. And let me tell you, I haven't seen worse-looking running animation in my life. It's actually easier to jump over them this time around, now that they're moving towards you, but that doesn't make it any more fun, especially since they still don't seem to have the foggiest idea you're there unless you bump into them.

From here on out, all the screens repeat themselves, and the only thing that ever changes is how fast the bonus counter decreases. In other words, once you pass the first four screens, there's nothing new to see. Not even a palette change.

I have yet to be able to play this game for as long as half an hour. Less than twenty minutes is all I can endure. I can't take the music, I can't stand the repetition, the graphics are unbearable, not being able to touch anything in the game is a real drag, and I keep “dying� because of how bored I get playing this thing. The quality is reminiscent of those games where the guy who did the programming also did their own graphics, and wasn't particularly good at doing either. How something like this got passed off by Starsoft as being “commercial� quality is beyond me.

My ratings are on a scale from Zero to Five. Walker gets a Zero, and achieving a score of Zero is a rare accomplishment. So in recognition of this, I'm giving Walker my first ever Super Stink-bomb Award. Congratulations, Starsoft! You've earned it!

My rating: 0.0 out of 5, with my first-ever "Super Stink-bomb" award.

- Tricob.

"Glass Tiger for life! "

“Walker (An Atari 2600 game)�

The worst Atari 2600 game ever is not E.T. or Pac-man. Nor is it Custer's Revenge. No, the all-time worst Atari 2600 of all time would have to be “Walker�, which was known overseas as “Clown Downtown� and “Schussel, der Polizistenshreck� ("Shreck, Bowl Of The Policemen").

Things look bad from the get-go. We plug in the cartridge, start up our faithful 2600 system, and we're greeted by cars with tires that look like swiveling diagonal lines, running animals that are animated like they're jumping with every single step, and there's a main character at the bottom who looks less like a clown and more like a transvestite. Add to all this some very bad background music to boot. And we haven't even started the game yet.

You have been warned, but those foolish enough to continue on from here will not turn the Atari system off and forget they ever started up this game. No, instead they press the Game Reset or Fire Button to start the game, and that's when things go from bad to worse. Now the background music is twice as annoying, the character sounds like he's farting with every step he takes, and he moves about as fast as a lame snail. Not only that, but every time he jumps, we hear an idiotic, four-note melody that makes Shave And A Haircut sound like Beethoven's 9th Symphony. You'd swear this game was created with masochists in mind.

Okay, so you endure all this long enough to walk from one blank side of the “street� to the other. This supposed “street� we cross has no markings whatsoever, no street lights, no walk signs, no road markings, no sidewalk, and no curb. Now that we've crossed this street, we're faced with another blank street, only now it's got a policeman placed in the middle of it. And wouldn't you know it, it's gotta be the dumbest, most appalling image of a policeman I've ever seen in my life. I know he's drawn that way for humor, but just seeing him makes my eyes hurt.

(cont'd) ...

- Tricob.